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Ken's Favourite Web Pages

Malibu
Ummmmmmmm, lets see what the producers of my favourite tipple have to say. Oh transport me to a paradise isle of bikinied lady companions and coconut breezes ..SLURP!
Castles
I once delivered leaflets for a lady called Beverley. I hoped romance would come from it; but she let her husband back into her life. I was scuppered and in chagrin, I shoved the leaflets into Johns hedge. Im now sorry for that thoughtless action, but I was in emotional free-fall!
Cubans
Me cubans are lookin a bit scuffed of late. Its time I had some new ones. Lets hope they have my distinctive sizes. You see...Ive got one foot bigger than the other. this plays havoc with me line dancing !
Rhiannon
RHIANNON!.... RHIANNON!...RHIANNON!.....Whyd yer have to leave me in the lurch? I still hold a torch for you. John says thats not all I hold!
Dating Agency
Niet ...Bashuka....er..Lenin..er, Im gonna have to learn some foreign language chat-up lines. Whats Allo Darlin! in Russian ?
Insult
Get knotted yer weedy motley-minded clotpole..yer jarring tickle-brained baggage..hee hee! Now them Elizabethans knew how to swear. If ever a club owner gets stroppy with me, I know how to put him in his place !
Showbiz
Now I could do with this lot on my roster, possibly for a gig at the garden centre advertising garden ornaments. We could also have Julie Satan by the gnome department twirling her broadsword!
Brotherhood
Still going strong Im glad to see. I sometimes mimic their famous Eurovision dance routine whilst making beans on toast for myself!
Flatulance
My little problem, which John so brutally exposed in Eggs and Gammon has blighted my business and social life for too long Maybe this page can help
Clarinet
OOOOOOOOOH.What a beauty! I crave its presence. I MUST have it!
Keith Moon
Now heres a gentleman who knew how to rockn roll.You probably all saw Johns pathetic attempts to emulate the rougher elements of the rock scene in 500 Bus-Stops Pathetic. I recently asked John to ride a scooter through the community centre to raise his standing amongst the rock n roll fraternity. Naturally he declined. He was scared of striking the ping-pong table!
Garden Centre
John is always dragging me down the garden centre. Ive got paperwork to sort out on a Sunday afternoon and I usually end up having Russian Fish Pie with John in the centre restaurant!
Showbiz
What are me competitors up to? Maybe I could poach a few acts. My rosters been looking a bit threadbare since Karaoke went pear-shaped!
Squirrels
The little tinkers chucked some acorns down at me when I bicycled through the park. Luckily, my cycle helmet absorbed the blows, preventing damage to my cranium. I fully concur with the sentiments of this site !
Snacks
My mouth is watering as I click...Im entering nibble-heaven. I know from experience, that a bowlful of quality nibbles, offered at the right moment, can clinch a showbiz deal, oh yes...my friends.I certainly know!
Bean
Ummmmmm! This young man is a bit of a wag. Im interested in going into the field of whacky websites. Maybe I could sign him up?
Monkey??
Hoo.hoo.hoo.ha.ha.ha! Now this site gave me a chuckle. Hes right, the most powerful man in the world resembles a chimp. Ol Toxic Tex probably hasnt the same brain power as our simian chums!